Calm

When I feel good about something
and believe me, that’s a really hard fight.
When I win my anxiety over
It’s already too late.
I’m the last one at the party,
everyone is gone.
Maybe,
having the best of sleep,
having the night of their lives.
Anyway,
every second of my life
is operating like I’m not in control anymore.
Everything succumbs to this:
I don’t have the power
to manipulate myself, ha ha!
Just great!
It can’t get much more real than this.
At least in denial we are strong!
But after closing my eyes,
everything hurts, it hurts so bad.
My mind keeps turning so I can’t close my eyes.
I’m afraid I’ll merge into this deep muddy pool.
Can’t get out, or won’t.
Because let’s face it,
what do I got to loose?

The mud is welcoming,
the pool seems peaceful
and everything will be alright.

By Monica Sofia

Open/Closed

Standing here
I understand I’m in the threshold
There’s not even a door
So I can fight to get in!
Or get out…
Am I sleeping?

Blank or maybe a dark, very dark place
No one’s eyes can see.

I was talented…
I used to get used to the dark,
to the silence, it was welcoming

Not even a smell I can recognize
Getting hard to breathe…

But no one’s here.
And the fact is
No one’s knows I’m here.

Let me turn around!
Should I move?
Could I change?

Can you hear me?
It’s so hard to breathe.

Oh…
Yeah I was dreaming!
Now awakened.
But yet… no one’s here.
Not even a door.

https://allpoetry.com/poem/15849376-Open-Closed-by-Monica-Sofia

My light

Today Words are loud

In my case I wish for Silence

To reach between the gap

A moment of Clarity

A moment of serene Bliss

That bliss turns into a Nightmare

In the back of my mind

My Light doesn’t work

Until I need it Desperately

My light has a peculiar Behavior

to wrestle to Wake me

Another way of things…

My own blood

It’s weird to feel it and it’s hard too
When you’ve been worried
with someone who has no clue
you even talk or exist You should’ve known by now
You are nothing more
than an uncomfortable shadow
A memory you want to forget

https://allpoetry.com/poem/15269924-My-own-blood-by-Monica-Sofia

In portuguese …

“Aqui nesta praia onde
Não há nenhum vestígio de impureza,
Aqui onde há somente
Ondas tombando ininterruptamente,
Puro espaço e lúcida unidade,
Aqui o tempo apaixonadamente
Encontra a própria liberdade.”

Sophia de Mello Breyner Andresen

Say no

My fear if I let them know
I’m fighting constantly
with no hope in understanding

I’m alone in my bubble
afraid to say no.

The feeling of betrayal on the one’s eye
that looked up for me
not because our story, our friendship
but because I’m getting out of my comfort zone.