Calm

When I feel good about something
and believe me, that’s a really hard fight.
When I win my anxiety over
It’s already too late.
I’m the last one at the party,
everyone is gone.
Maybe,
having the best of sleep,
having the night of their lives.
Anyway,
every second of my life
is operating like I’m not in control anymore.
Everything succumbs to this:
I don’t have the power
to manipulate myself, ha ha!
Just great!
It can’t get much more real than this.
At least in denial we are strong!
But after closing my eyes,
everything hurts, it hurts so bad.
My mind keeps turning so I can’t close my eyes.
I’m afraid I’ll merge into this deep muddy pool.
Can’t get out, or won’t.
Because let’s face it,
what do I got to loose?

The mud is welcoming,
the pool seems peaceful
and everything will be alright.

By Monica Sofia

Open/Closed

Standing here
I understand I’m in the threshold
There’s not even a door
So I can fight to get in!
Or get out…
Am I sleeping?

Blank or maybe a dark, very dark place
No one’s eyes can see.

I was talented…
I used to get used to the dark,
to the silence, it was welcoming

Not even a smell I can recognize
Getting hard to breathe…

But no one’s here.
And the fact is
No one’s knows I’m here.

Let me turn around!
Should I move?
Could I change?

Can you hear me?
It’s so hard to breathe.

Oh…
Yeah I was dreaming!
Now awakened.
But yet… no one’s here.
Not even a door.

https://allpoetry.com/poem/15849376-Open-Closed-by-Monica-Sofia

My Own Moments Store

is it too weird if I would love to buy my own products?

https://www.redbubble.com/i/tote-bag/My-Fox-by-Monica-Sofia/75173890.P1QBH?asc=u&fbclid=IwAR06MsQ2K6-5xDCO5n_ywI0H_NFFIjO4gMJ0SIDTco4G5vc4M5PWRU3OC8Y

Another way of things…

My own blood

It’s weird to feel it and it’s hard too
When you’ve been worried
with someone who has no clue
you even talk or exist You should’ve known by now
You are nothing more
than an uncomfortable shadow
A memory you want to forget

https://allpoetry.com/poem/15269924-My-own-blood-by-Monica-Sofia

Say no

My fear if I let them know
I’m fighting constantly
with no hope in understanding

I’m alone in my bubble
afraid to say no.

The feeling of betrayal on the one’s eye
that looked up for me
not because our story, our friendship
but because I’m getting out of my comfort zone.